As Simeon and I were reading last night, I came across 2 verses that really spoke to me. They were both promises that I had skipped over many times before, not fully realizing that is what they are.
Psalm 34:4, "I sought (inquired of) the Lord and required Him [of necessity and on the authority of His Word], and He heard me, and delivered me from all my fears."
Psalm 34:18, "The Lord is close to those who are of a broken heart and saves such as are crushed with sorrow for sin and are humbly and thoroughly penitent."
These are both from the Amplified Bible version, and as I was reading, I had realized yet another thing. God's promises are true. God keeps His Word, but He demands something in return. Trust, faith, repentance, seeking, you name it. It's like a law of physics, 'for every action, there is an opposite and equal reaction'.
I cannot expect God to be close to me if I am only running away from Him. God does not chase, but that doesn't mean He is apathetic and aloof either. He waits. He tugs. He loves from a distance, until we run to Him.
I cannot expect God to answer me, when I do not earnestly seek Him. I plead for answers, but I am so focused on those "answers" that I forget Him. I yell at Him. Once again, He is patient, waiting for me to be done; to listen, so that He may deliver.
Through these past 2 days, I desperately want to be different, both Simeon and I do. We have decided to do a fast for the month of February. We want to spend more time in the word. To see what God wants of our lives, to find His treasures that He has for us. His promises, His healing, His miracles, and His consequences.
Every year, at my church, our Pastor challenges us to give the first fruits of our year to Him. Part of the way we do that is through a Daniel Fast. (Fasting based on the book of Daniel). This teaches us to not be so dependent on our own lives and to truly seek what God has for us for the upcoming year.
This year, I didn't do it. I had no desire to do it. I could care less. If you read my last post, you know that I blamed and am still angry at God. However, I chose to go forward, to not let the devil with his manipulating lies keep me paralyzed in fear.
Simeon and I have chosen to do our own fast. Not a Daniel Fast, and not necessarily a media fast. I will explain what we are doing.
Foods we are only allowing ourselves to eat are:
Greek Yogurt (or eggs)
Meal Replacement Shakes
This was a hard list, because we needed something that could provide protein and carbs. Vegetables and fruits are good at carbohydrates as well as nuts. The shakes, greek yogurt and eggs are good for protein. We needed that stuff because we are doing some pretty intensive working out.
Also, we are also fasting TV and gaming for the most part. It isn't because we have a stronghold in our lives, but because we do not spend enough time with our God. I have spent so much time being angry and blaming God, that I don't really know what His promises are. I really don't know Him at all in fact. he is my like a coworker. Someone I go to if I need help, but not someone I go out of my way to talk. That makes me sick just thinking about it. Not to mention, Simeon hangs out with his brothers by watching sports or playing games. That seems like an unfair thing to take away.
I will be deactivating(or whatever you want to call it) Facebook and Pinterest for a month. Every time I look at my feeds, I see what the newest baby decor, or maternity pictures or what not. I get angrier and even more bitter. I don't need that. I need to remove things that cause me to revert.
I will still text, and talk on the phone if I absolutely have to. If you want to invite me to anything ask me personally!
So that's it. That is what we are fasting in the month of February. If any of you would like to sincerely join us (even though you may have just finished a fast) allow yourselves to do so. God's tugging isn't just the first month of the year (nor is it only in the form of fasting). It's every day, every moment and we have to be sensitive to it, and this is how I am choosing to be sensitive.