Thursday, January 15, 2015

He is a Father

There are a few things I have learned from being a new mom. Changing, feeding, managing time, and some of Addie's cries are a few things that come to mind. Want to know what I have learned the most though? Patience. Want to know what I am learning the most of? Patience.

For anyone who knows me, I am not a patient person. In fact "slow to anger" does not describe me at all. I am working on it--I have been for the last 4 years in earnest, so now I am much slower to anger, but there are those things that still rile me up quite quickly.

So, the one thing I have learned about being a mom is that it simply takes patience to adjust to a new way of life. When we first brought our daughter home, I was over the moon. I looked at her and was floored that I am her mother. I sat in disbelief and awe. Sometimes, I still do. There's another side of this that I was not expecting. The very first day she cried all day and would barely calm down, I felt like the worst mother in the world. She just cried and cried. That insecurity drove me very quickly to frustration. That frustration built and built and built. Addie was on the changing table and I remember staring at the ceiling and just screaming out, "I know I am a terrible mother, okay?!". Truly, I know that I am not a terrible mother, but not being able to calm your little one certainly makes one feel as such--especially when someone is new to the whole "mom" thing.

2 1/2 months into her life, I feel like I finally have somewhat of a clue. There is a new normal and my patience is higher. However, just because I have a higher tolerance level, does not mean that it will not be continued to be tested. In such a short time of becoming a mother, one thing has become almost painfully clear to me. Just how patient with me is my God, my Heavenly Father?

I throw tantrums when I don't get my way. I cry out in emotional pain and don't stop. I am clingy and needy. I am insecure and cry out to Him constantly. Yet...He sits there, taking it all, being slow to anger, and loving me just the same. As a mother, I pray that this aspect of my Lord is one that I can exhibit to my daughter. My love will never be enough for her, but I pray that my love and patience is what will help urge her into a relationship with our Father. I pray that in all circumstances, she grows up seeing a direct reflection of the characteristics of God.

As I was thinking about the past month, I was thinking about what products I would recommend to have. Reading blogs is just so confusing. I wish there were a pretty good list, and babies are so different to know what to get! In future posts, I will be giving my opinions on what to get for going to the hospital, 1-3 months, 4-6 months, 7-9 months, and 10-12 months. I will try for it to make as much sense as possible, with some flexibility.

Friday, January 2, 2015

He Allows Growth

As I was putting away clean laundry today, I realized that Addie no longer fits into most newborn clothes. I packed them away and wondered if I was really sad about her growing and I came to the conclusion that I am not. Her growth means that as a parent, I am doing something right. I get to see her grow, learn and absorb the world around her. I get to see her smiles, and her personality develop. Last year my verse was "Be still and know that I am God." I choose to be still in the growth of my daughter. I am not sad for the times of growth, nor am I anxiously awaiting her TO grow. I am being joyful in each stage of her life, right where she is. I rejoice in knowing that she is growing.

I hope that I can keep this focus. I believe that it will translate into other areas of her life. I pray that with this attitude, she realizes that she is fine just where she is. She doesn't have to grow up and please me. She doesn't have to stay little to please me. She has to learn and grow at her pace, her time, and in the way God created her to. I pray that if I keep this focus, she grows confident in where God has her.

Bottom line, I pray that she understands the meaning of "Being Still". I pray that as a mother, I can be patient and not force her to grow up or expect things of her before she is ready to achieve them. I pray that as she reaches and achieves and learns that I am there, cheering her on, encouraging her to the point that she can be confident enough to do virtually anything. I pray that I neither hold her back, nor push her before she is ready.

So, I guess that "being still" is still kind of my phrase for yet another year. It pairs perfectly with "peace in every situation" phrase I have chosen for this year. As she grows and learns, I pray that I allow God to create a spirit of learning in my own heart.