Hopefully, I can get across what I am wanting to communicate in this blog post. I want to start with a word picture, to kind of set what I feel the Holy Spirit is trying to communicate with me, in a more palatable way. You with me?
OK, now imagine your going on vacation, but instead of carefully packing and planning each outfit every day, you just throw all your dirty clothes from the hamper, some are nice ones, some are hang around at house clothes, into your bags and go on your merry way. The vacation you planned out was one where there would be lots of stops and sights to see, and lots of souvenirs to get (in the form of T-shirts, of course!). You start your trip, and are at your first stop. You sight see, buy a shirt, get back on the road. You continue to do this at multiple stops, until you realize you are running out of space for all your new "I went to _______ and all I got was this lousy shirt..." shirts. And not only that, but each stop has had it's own little problem, a car tire went out, you have no more wiper fluid, you got carsick, ect.
Okay, so now that you have that visual, lets bring it around to the spiritual laws. I feel like I have been carrying around dirty clothes (characteristics, attributes, thoughts, ect.) for an awfully long time. While some things that I have been wearing are "nice" (initially good, intended for good, ect.) for other's to see, others are my paint stained clothes around the house, the ugly ones. Each stop on the "highway of life", brings new changes, good, new things, but ultimately, if I pack my new attributes, with my old dirty ones, my new ones will be dirty too.
I know that God has been at each stop in life (bad and good). But I sense that each time He has been offering to clean my dirty laundry. He has been offering to throw away my ugly clothes, in order to make room for the new ones. And at each stop, I have ignored, been oblivious to what He was offering, or downright refused--until now.
That is the beauty of His grace, love and mercy. He is constant, always waiting for you, always offering to you. Lately, I have just been so aware of one particular piece of clothing he wants to clean and scrub up for me. I call it, "Opportunities to Trust". Every month for the last few months, I have been fretting if I am pregnant or not (as far as I know, I am not.). We have a roof to pay for (possibly, if insurance doesn't cover it), we have a furnace to pay for. I am full time at HAFH now. I will be babysitting in the fall again (woot!). People have criticized me (there will always be someone about something criticizing me). There are certain things about my side of the family that hurt, and are always stressful. I could go on and on and on with all the things I have time to worry about. God has just been saying "Kristen, this is an opportunity to trust in Me, your Creator, your Provider, are you going to take it?"
Each instance has come with a verse or a phrase that just make me so aware of how much I don't trust the Lord. I am writing these from my journal, so they may be a little less polished for a blog, but it's okay.
Pregnancy? "Does my word not say I will give you the desires of your heart? What does it matter? No matter how many sticks you pee on, praying for it to happen, won't make it happen. I am your Provider, Kristen. I am The Giver Of Life! Your focus is off of Me and onto your uterus. Focus on Me. This is an opportunity to trust Me regardless of the result of that test. Trust Me. I am the Giver of Life and I will give you life, I HAVE given you life, focus on Me. This is an opportunity to trust Me with the greatest desire of yours and Simeon's heart dear one. Take this opportunity off of a child, onto being My child. Trust Me with no questions."
Roof and Furnace? "Does not My word say I will provide for you? You are cheerfully and obediently giving Me your first fruits. You are looking after My orphans in the way that you can--financially. You are blessing Me with the finances I have allowed you to have, being obedient. I will provide for you. This is an opportunity to trust Me, and not your money accounts, Kristen."
Working 2 Full-Time Jobs come this fall? "Does not my word say, 'be still and know that I am God'? I am entrusting these jobs to you. This is a small taste of the blessings I have in store for you more abundantly than you can fathom. I am entrusting you with more responsibilities, because one day, you will have many more as a mother. This is preparation, my child. This is an opportunity to be still and trust ME, Kristen. Without me in your daily life, you have very little hope to not be bogged down by worry and time. Trust me, that I will give you the time you need, that this is for your betterment. Even this, my little girl, is an opportunity to trust."
People Criticizing Me? "Ah, Kristen, this is your greatest upset. You want others to like you, but focus on what I think of you. Does not my word say 'Charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears Me is to be praised'? Other's opinions and criticisms of you are fleeting and come from a deceptive heart. Gossip is not in my plan for my children's lives. It is in MY enemy's plan to seek, kill, and destroy! My plan is to give life, and love. When others say things about you, come to Me! I love your heart, with all of it's flaws. Bring your focus to me. Do not get bogged down by the weights of the enemy, whether directly or indirectly placed upon you. Focus on Who I Am, and your relationship with me before your relationships with others, be above reproach to the best of your ability. Someone will even find a flaw in perfection--look at my Son! You are amongst greatness, when your relationship with Me, your True Father, is challenged. This is yet another opportunity for trusting me. Trust that I will take care of it, and trust that I think the world of you. Trust me, Kristen, just trust me."
As you can see, each big(ish) thing that I have had an opportunity to worry about, God has responded with saying that it is an opportunity to trust. So I guess that is the biggest theme God has been placing on my heart.