Lately, I have been reading a few books, one of which is Voice in the Wind, the first book of an amazing trilogy. It centers around a young Christian girl, Hadassah, from Galilee that was in Jerusalem at the time of the Roman Siege. Through series of grief (she is the only one left in her family) and grace (Roman soldier not killing her, getting grain, ect.), she becomes a house slave in a Roman's family's home. During this era, even being a Christian was dangerous--they were crucified, sent to the games, and other wretched things.
Okay, so, you're probably wondering why I needed to elaborate on this book, that seemingly has nothing to do with my present situation. During the book, Hadassah has a constant companion of fear, that I believe all of us who have read the book, relate to all to well. Fear of sharing God's truth, as well as the fear of staying silent.
I had two reflections this morning. One of which, was that I am scared to run the half marathon, and scared to do the Daniel Fast. Let me rephrase that, I am scared of failing at both of them. The fear that has been my constant companion, is not being good enough and always being a failure. The second reflection I had, was how silly is my fear? Hadassah, although a fictional character, wasn't fearful of not being good enough, she was fearful for the salvation of others. Her heart was for others, not for herself. Her heart broke for the destruction in their lives more than it broke for her circumstances. Once free, she was not only a slave to others, but in many ways, a slave to fear. Fear held her back.
So I am sitting here, with a different reflection on my heart, thanks to Francine Rivers' fictional character. I, will not be fearful of any failure, other than failing to tell one about Christ, through my actions, or my words--because ultimately, that's what matters. I find myself asking myself if I am furthering the Kingdom of Christ, or hindering it. I am hindering it, for the simple fact, that even if I am doing nothing, I am, in fact, doing nothing--and that is a hindrance.
I am not going to close with the typical "sports" verse about "running the race" or "doing all things unto Him". Each of those are wonderful encouraging verses. However, I will leave myself and you with this verse, simply because running the marathon and doing a fast, are not near as important as the possibility of failing my Heavenly Father:
“Whatever I tell you in the dark, speak in the light; and what you hear in the ear, preach on the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul. But rather fear Him who is able to destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a copper coin? And not one of them falls to the ground apart from your Father’s will. But the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Do not fear therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows."