2 years ago, Simeon and I went to an adoption summit (or was it just one year ago?) that was introduced by us. It's called 447 Summit, if any of you have the opportunity to go, I would encourage it! It is such an amazing way to just witness the calling placed on men and women's lives for adoption. When we were there, we had the opportunity to meet Nate and Sara Hagerty. Sara has a blog called "Every Bitter Thing is Sweet" . As I learned her story (she is a wonderful writer and speaker), I was reminded of my own bitterness. We had just lost Hezekiah, and I was grasping for anything for hope, for peace, and for simple understanding.
I see bitterness that takes root in my own life, and in others. Are we holding bitterness against others? Are we holding bitterness for the cause of others? I will be honest here, I don't know much about bitterness and where it would be considered right according to our Lord, but this I know from personal experience--it divides. In dividing, it can easily conquer. In association with my last post, about gossip and being a friend that loves at all times, I wonder if we have bitterness in our hearts, if it is remotely possible to be that? If we are resentful towards one (or for the cause of one) can we be the friend that God demands of us--to our spouse, to our friends, to our mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, in-laws, pastors, leaders, and to those in authority over us? I don't think that God calls us to be friends with everyone, but I do believe that He calls us to love beyond our limited thinking that induces resentment, anger, separation and bitterness.
In Sara's testimony, she talks about the struggle her and her husband went through to get pregnant, for much longer that Simeon and I. How their plans weren't happening and how it wove bitterness through her heart until she made a choice (I really hope that how I am remembering this is accurate.). She read the verse from Proverbs 27 and explains how it affected her heart here: To The Hungry Soul... , her first blog post. Whenever I think of bitterness in my own soul, I think of this verse, her testimony, and the restoration in her relationships with her husband, with Christ, and with her future children (at the time).
One who is full loathes honey from the comb,but to the hungry even what is bitter tastes sweet.
Another dies in bitterness of soul,never having enjoyed anything good.
Proverbs 14:10Each heart knows its own bitterness,and no one else can share its joy.
I know what it is like to hold on to bitterness because of how comfortable it is. It's hard work to make things "taste sweet". It is so easy to be stuck in a rut of bitterness for or towards others or life's circumstances, but in holding onto it, we miss out on the joy and the good. We live in a cage of mirrors when we live in bitterness. All we see is ourselves, or the ones we love hurt. We don't see outside of it. In the midst of this, one simple question comes to mind--Are we going to be bitter, or are we going to be better?
Again, there is no good segue into our pregnancy update, and I am quite dubious that there will ever be, but I will be okay with that.
"You Know You're Pregnant When..."
1. You feel like the female pig statue at the corner of 14th and our street
2. Laying on your stomach feels weird...like really weird...not really uncomfortable...
3. Your grocery budget has been exceeded by quite a lot in the past 3 months
4. You're down to your "painting shorts" for the summer because they were larger to begin with and they are the only ones that are comfortable on your waist.
5. Everyone asks you the same questions (Morning sickness is going away, albeit slowly, and otherwise I feel fine, we are about 16 weeks along, we aren't finding out the gender, I think it's a girl, next appointment is tomorrow...the list goes on and on...)
6. You wait to find out the gender simply because your husband and you couldn't agree on a gender reveal that you both liked and figured that the best gender reveal is when the baby is born.
7. Laundry is a much bigger chore because you run out of staples much faster since everything that used to fit is slowly being packed away every other time you fold laundry.
8. You truly value bowel movements much more (TMI?)
9. You have a nightime schedule. You go to bed, wake up at 4 every morning, go pee (even if you don't think you have to, because you do, you know you do), go back to sleep only to wake 2 hours later out of starvation--literal "I-am-going-to-die-and-throw-up-at-the-same-time-if-I-don't-eat-something" starvation.
10. A secret anger ignites every time you want something to eat and it's out of season--cherries.