Tuesday, December 2, 2014

His Cost is Greater

Thanksgiving is tomorrow! Where has the time gone?! As I was sitting here, I had what I was most thankful for. Isn't it obvious? Of course it is our little Adelaide Joy. However, then I got to thinking why I was thankful for her. There's the obvious reasons--ones that you have all heard and gone through with us along the way. Then I thought about the cost of having Addie--and just how brilliant the cost was.

You see, having her cost me so much in life--so very much. 

She cost me my bitterness. 
She cost me my selfishness,
She cost me my sorrow.
She cost me my fear.
She cost me my hopelessness.
She cost me my anger.
She cost me my self-inflicted loneliness. 
She cost me my empty arms. 
She cost me my unblemished stomach. 
She cost me time with my husband. 
She cost me my time to myself. 

Having her has cost me, and will continue to cost me these things, and my friends. I am glad. 

She cost me my bitterness, and replaced it with sweetness. 
She cost me selfishness, and it gave way to selflessness. 
She cost me my sorrow, and it blossomed to joy.
She cost my my fear, and it died to courageousness. 
She cost me my hopelessness, and it turned to believing. 
She cost me my anger, and it melted away to peace.
She cost me my loneliness, and created togetherness. 
She cost me my empty arms, and constantly made them full. 
She cost my my unblemished stomach and instead I have a permanent reminder of God's faithfulness.
She cost me time with Simeon, and changed it to time as a family.
She cost me time to myself and created time for reflection on God's goodness.

She will continue to "cost" me, test me, and teach me, Some of the "costs" will be hard to accept, some of them will be hard to let go of. I would be lying if I said that having her hasn't made my life easier with less reason for bitterness and anger, God has done more than give me her, in His mercy, He has freed me from so many internal struggles of mine. Oh, they will rear their ugly heads, but when I look at Addie, there will no longer be doubts of God's personalized goodness towards me. So I will take on every sleepless night, every bewildering crying fit, every dirty diaper, and every bit of spit up, because when I look at Addie, I see a promise kept, a truth revealed, and love demonstrated, and I know that it is well with my soul,

When I see the "costs" of Addie, I think of what it cost our Heavenly Father to place Jesus Christ on the cross. To allow it. For that reason, I am even more eternally grateful, and pray with all my might, that Adelaide will one day understand the cost of the Father for her. His cost is so much greater than my own.

* This post was started the day before Thanksgiving, but because of Addie and a family filled weekend, it was not finished until today.

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