As I am writing this, my two pups are sitting on either side of me cuddling with me. I am so blessed to have the love of these animals. I know I sound like a whackadoodle, but they know when something is wrong, they crave being with Simeon or me, they rely on us, they love interacting with us. In the same way, I should be the same with God. I want to crave being with Him. My hunger and desire for that is growing, but sometimes it is a choice to read the Bible, not a desire. In the same way, many of the women and men of the Bible were not extraordinary, but through their choices and faith in Our Lord, they were made extraordinary, and changed the course of millions of people.
So, I don't have a ton of thoughts for you today. We are still on Abraham and Sarah, before they had Isaac. After Abraham pleads with God for Lot's family in Soddom, to not be destroyed along with the wicked, he heads to the Negev, which was under King Abimelek's rule. Abraham had told Sarah to say something, that she had to before in Egypt. He told her to tell everyone that she was Abraham's sister, not wife. Previously, in Egypt, God had Pharoh's household come down with some sort of disease, then Pharoh told Abraham to take his wife and belongings and to go. During this time, however something a little different happened. When I was reading Genesis 20 something struck me. God was protecting Sarah's womb! One reason why I believe this is because both Pharoh's and Abimelek's households came down with diseases. I got to wondering if they came down with the same ones. It doesn't specify in Genesis 12 what kind of sickness Pharoh's household got, but in Genesis 20:17-18 it says:
"Then Abraham prayed to God, and God healed Abimelek, his wife and his female slaves so they could have children again, for the Lord had kept all the women in Abimelek’s household from conceiving because of Abraham’s wife Sarah."
Since, my thoughts are a little jumbled, I need to rewind. God came to the king in a dream basically saying "You're dead meat, you took another man's wife". Thankfully, Abimelek had not touched her and was able to undo Abraham's wrong, thus vindicating his own actions, not matter how oblivious he was.
Through the last chapter, I began to realize something that I believe holds great importance. First off, once again, Abraham was caught not trusting God and lied instead. He was a sub-par spiritual leader in these instances, because of his fear. How much heartbreak would his wife have to endure because of his Jell-O for a backbone? I don't think Abraham was terrible, but it is interesting to me that instead of staying upright and walking righteously, he looked down and stumbled. This alone shows that Abraham was no different than us. God's circumstances placed on him, and his choices are what made him different.
As I stated earlier, God was protecting Sarah's womb. He had a very specific plan for her. One that He would not even allow kings of men to interrupt or alter. Since God had such a specific plan for Sarah, that means that He had a specific time for Isaac to be born. Sure, God could have given them more children, and Isaac could have still been born at that time. As I read on though, I am intrigued to find out why Isaac needed to be born. Some thoughts that immediately popped into my head was the culture of the day. I am guessing that Abraham was with Sarah at least 80 years (and I think I am being generous because that's assuming Sarah would have been 20 and Abraham would have been 21, well over the age of betrothal in those days). Imagine how much would change. Almost a century. Imagine the last 80 years of our own history. Why did God need Isaac then? Why not earlier? Why did God have Sarah walk this path? What insights and growing did she have from her own life that needed to be implemented in Isaac's?
Judy has consistently told us, that this time in our lives is a preparation time. Looking at both Abraham's and Sarah's walks and doubts with the Lord, makes me realize that this time is exactly that. The same questions I am asking about God protecting Sarah's womb, are the questions I am asking myself. What do I need to learn, to shape the child(ren) God has for us? What does Simeon need to learn? What is the reason God is waiting to give us a child?
Many nights I have laid awake thinking that this is punishment, that we are not good enough Christians, that we are the reason why. To be honest, there will probably be other times I will think that as well. But seeing these two pillars of the Bible, with all of their faults, be set aside for a very designated purpose for God, brings me hope. It makes me realize that God isn't hurting me, he is protecting me. And even if He isn't doing that, He is protecting my children that are in Heaven, and waiting for the perfect time, for me to either carry full term, or adopt, in order for them to be used for His glory. This isn't about having kids...it is about trusting Him with the ones He has given us, including His timing.
I am sorry that my thoughts are so mumbled. I was thinking of this as I was falling asleep and usually I write when I have a clear picture of what I want it to read as. I was so intrigued and excited about what I felt was a new found discovery, that I just couldn't keep all my thoughts straight.