If God can use a perfect woman,
Who ate from the forbidden tree,
Who took a bite and then influenced Adam,
Who then became ashamed of her body....
...If God can use Eve, HE can use me.
If God can use a mocking woman,
Who didn't believe she'd have a son,
One who laughed when given a promise,
Who then lied to God about laughing...
...If God can use Sarah, HE can use me.
If Gods can use a deceptive woman,
Who pretended to be a harlot,
One who skillfully deceived Judah,
In order to have sons for him...
...If God can use Tamar, HE can use me.
If God can use a seductive woman,
One who had hid the Israelite spies,
One who helped 2 men escape the city,
Who lived because of her faith in God...
...If God can use Rahab, HE can use me.
If God can use a Moabite woman,
Who remained loyal to her mother-in-law,
One who knew nothing of Naomi's customs,
Who slept at the feet of an unknown man...
...If God can use Ruth, HE can use me.
If God can use a beautiful woman,
Who caused a king of Israel to stumble,
Who had a child with him outside of God's Will,
Who bore a son to David, when her husband died...
...If God can use Bathsheba, HE can use me.
If God can use an ordinary woman,
Who had not yet laid with a man,
who probably suffered public ridicule,
One who still desired to do God's Will...
...If God can use Mary, HE can use me.
I wrote this about 4 years ago, during the prime of my insecurities and sin-stained nature. Wondering why or what He would choose me for. Never did I imagine in a thousand years, that this would be part of my story. While I was reading about Sarai yesterday, I remembered this and went back to read it. I realized, that there are some upright, outstanding women, and there are some sinful women, who still had faith. I wonder if looking back on their lives, if any of them recognized what God's ultimate purpose was. I wonder if they were able to help other women, and if they did. Today, I am thanking God for my miscarriages, because it is putting some of the women in the Bible in a whole new light in my eyes. Not in a "light bulb!" sense, but in a way that I feel that I can relate to some of them, even though centuries have passed between then and now. I can see what others might not be able to see. I can think of the fear, the self blame, the shame, and most importantly the sadness. I have felt lately, that we put men and women of the Bible upon a pedestal. They were men and women just like us, trying to be set aside from the pressures of the world. Trying to believe, trying to trust, ultimately choosing trust and faith over their own thoughts. And just look how they changed nations, lineages, thousands of people--it blows me away. This new found outlook on the beginning stories that lead to Christ, makes me thankful. Not thankful for miscarriages, but thankful that right now, just a particle of one scale has fell from my "Christly Outlook". Excited to see what else will fall from my eyes.
Just one thought I wanted to share with all of you that I can't remember if I have or not, is that, the reason this is so hard for us is because we have never taken care of the previous miscarriages before this. Every time, we have become pregnant before dealing with the full extent of our hardships, and every time, it has compounded upon the last. Please be understanding of this. We are trying the best we can, and sometimes, we know that isn't enough. We are not angry, or upset, but we just pray that each of you can allow for some patience and prayers our way. Thank you so much for reading this blog (if you do). I have always loved writing, but never thought this would be the avenue to do such.